Expectation

Ever wondered why betrayals hurt us so deeply? Why does a favor done but not returned when needed stays in our mind so long?

The answer might not be betrayal itself but it's our expectations.

I think the root cause of our suffering in today's world is expectation. The more we expect, be it family, friends, situation or anything, the more we are prone to pain and sufferings.

Lord Buddha rightly said, "The root cause of our sufferings is desire"

Though desire and expectation might sound different, but i believe expectation is a form of desire itself. Expectation becomes desire for appreciation, love, compassion.

Now how does this expectation cycle starts? Why does humans naturally expect in return? Though its hard to explain why as this is natural behavior every human possesses, but we can understand how to overcome that feeling easily.

Let's say, your neighbor recently shifted. You start the conversation and probably help them with issues like goods shifting, electricity and water issues, house help etc. Now once your help is completed, a natural hope starts to begin, that they would help you out too when you require. That's the basic human nature.

But here's the twist, let's say in futue, they refused or simply ignored when you needed help. That's where trouble begins. You start to feel betrayal. You start to judge them, yell at them in your mind and what not. You question yourself why you helped them at first place. You question your kindness, which you already know people take advantage. Hundreds of emotions passing by, everytime you see them. You smile less, you talk less, you avoid eye contact, and lastly you start to hate them.

Now lets modify above story a bit.

Let's say at first place you helped them but didnt expect anything in return. Or you helped them only till that limit where you don't feel bad even if they ignore you in future. Your hard feelings now changes. Because you didn't expect anything in return you now have peace of mind and you aren't hurt. May be you didn't judge them but now remain cautious of further help. In this way you controlled the damage and pain that might have devasted you. You got clarity of your neighbour's nature and protected your daily communications in future (Generally people avoid talking after feeling betrayed).

This doesn't mean you should kill your kindness, but keep a check which prevents you from emotional damage. Now this isn't easy as said. It's a habit, that's needs to be developed. The outcome would be either you help people in a controlled way or you stop expecting anything from other. In my view latter is much more damaging. One shouldn't become blind. While helping don't just start to wound yourself. Else people would squeeze you, may be unknowingly sometimes.

Having nil expectations from new people will keep you controlled and happy. You got into a relation, expect zero at start. Understand the other person behavior first. Does he respect your emotion? If yes, start loosen the knot. If not, this would help you to prevent damaging yourself.

Keeping expectations is not bad. For example keeping expectations from your close friends, family, or spouse is important. Relationships are built on mutual trust. The problem ideally isnt expecation but having unrealistic or too excessive expecation. Those betrayals will start eating you alive. You helped, expected, and now suffering too. And in contrast the other people didnt help in return, might not have expected anything from you, and the worst he is not suffering. May be they are completely ignorant of this. So won't say they are bad. Treat it simply like its their personality.

So when there is almost no damage on other person why to take all damage yourself?

Expectation will bring pain if not completed. That pain would become your suffering and the worst would make you hard from inside. The world lacks kind people. We need to protect all of them. But unfortunately they are the most vulnerable. Kind people often face such betrayals not because people intentionally do so, but because their kind heartedness is spreaded unchecked.

In Hindi we have a very famous quote, नेकी कर दरिया में डाल (Do the kindness and throw that in river.)

If you don't, you will suffer, and life is too short to suffer my friend. Keep helping because that is your identity, but expectation creates a transaction, keep it one sided. That's the secret of happiness in life. That's where peace begins.

Thanks.

Ayush P Gupta
02 July 2026